THE PLEASURES OF TRAVELING

By Silvia Uribe

Traveling, no doubt, is one of the greatest pleasures for those of us who like adventure, people, new experiences, and surprises. Also, as Gustave Flaubert said "Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world." I totally agree.

The first step when traveling, is to think about where to go, and draw a mental map of what I want to see there. I like suggesting a place, and waiting for the counter-proposals that I may get from my travel partner. The decision is always based on the place that offers the most, at the best price. Then looking for comfortable accommodations, also at a fair price, may take some time, but this proves to be a good investment.

I enjoy the investigation part – an elementary step, my dear reader. What is there to discover? The great internet window reveals the answer to me in my own living room, while I sip a delicious coffee. I take mental and written notes of what will later become a reality. With each day, the excitement grows and the wait decreases. The anxiety is unavoidable, mainly, because we leave our obligations behind. We feel we are indispensable.

Finally, the day is here. Maybe we will travel a few hours or many more. If we travel by plane, we accept the idea of a stressful trip, due to the time wasted at airports, cancelled flights or marathons through those long hallways with electric bands that go so slow that using them may mean losing our connection flight. We run next to them instead.

Sooner or later we get to our destiny. Big sigh of relief.

After I get to a new place, I like to go out for a walk on the nearby streets, to know what’s around: the names of the streets, convenience and other stores, transportation, and what have you. Maybe, I want to know this to feel, from the get go, that I’m not lost, and so that things can slowly become familiar to me.

Once I get to the place I will call home for a pre-determined amount of days, I love looking out the window, and filling my eyes with whatever I can see, what’s different, what I never saw before and, maybe, to point at places that look interesting. I enjoy setting the goal to get to those places, even if I don’t know how to get there. This experience, of figuring things out is exciting to me. Maybe little children don’t feel as excited, because that’s their life. They discover new things every day. For us, adults, is not like that. We know and have experienced most things, or so we think. But, when we encounter something new, our sensation progresses from insecurity, to excitement, and once we figure it out, to satisfaction.

Taking a trip and not walking a lot, is not really traveling. During my travel adventures, I walk 6-8 hours a day. I walk, and I also take all kinds of transportation. Because of this, I have traveled by horse, mule, car, bus, motorcycle, bicycle, pedi-cab, tram, metro, train, bullet train, rickshaw, “trajinera”, “gondola” aqua-bus, “aliscafo”, jetski, boat, motor boat, ship, aircraft carrier, small planes, commercial planes, and war planes, funicular and helicopter. Never in a submarine, because I’m claustrophobic, or in a balloon because it scares me to death. My transportation dream? A flying car, like the Jetsons’, but I must wait a few years for that one.

However, what I like the most about traveling is the people I meet. I like knowing, and so I ask them, how they live, what they like, if they are satisfied with their life. I ask them who they consider important life, what they their government gives them, and what it takes from them; what they can and cannot do in terms of social freedom, and what are their ambitions. I also enjoy sharing what they want to know, of course. These interactions are usually a humbling experience, and gives the other person, and me, an intellectual intimacy and understanding that goes way beyond words.

Talking about words, languages come easily for me. But, when I do not speak the language, I truly enjoy the goodwill of people to understand what I say, and  their willingness to make themselves understood. It is like playing “charades”. We use our bodies, our minds, and we get frustrated, and then we laugh, and start all over again, until communication is achieved. Traveling without communicating with natives is not a complete experience to me; I may know the place we visit, but I don’t get to know the culture’s soul.

So, I like those traveling days with no obligations or concerns other than looking for experiences or objects that will remain in my mind and possession, and that I will be able to share with those interested. Today, one can make a book of each trip. Mine have pictures and brief comments. I like this online technology option because that way I  can capture the images and sensations of the moment without eventually forgetting about them or losing the pictures who knows where.

After each trip, my friends ask me if I would go back to the same place. My standard answer is no. It is not interesting to me to see what I have already seen, when there is so much to discover out there. The world is vast, my friend, and it always has something new and intriguing to offer.

CUANDO CALLAMOS....

Por Silvia Uribe.

Cuando callamos, nuestra mente vuela,

nuestras ideas se expanden,

nuestros ojos cuchichean

lo que la boca no osa decir;

eso que intriga, que muerde o que mata,

a veces, lo que ninguno desea oir.

Cuando callamos, el sonido puro

del pensamiento no se interrumpe.

La voz tenue del alma sigue alli

y es como si guaradáramos un tesoro

que a nadie le quisiéramos descubrir.

Los pensamientos se esfuman con tan poco

y el silencio es tan efectiva proteccion,

que si lo rompemos primero

el pensamiento vuela y se escapa 

de la mano de otro pensamiento seductor

NO TE VAYAS AUN.

Por Silvia Uribe.

(Para Adolfo)

No te vayas aún, hay tanto por hablar

Tanto que decir, tanto que preguntar,

A pesar de ser cercano, no se te conocía,

Hasta que un buen día, por fin, nos pusimos a charlar.

Te fuí descubriendo de a poco

Y  fuí apreciándote cada vez más

Ví por primera vez a esa persona

A la que es tan sencillo querer y admirar.

Te extranaremos todos; mi madre en especial,

Tus bromas, tus cuentos y tu memoria sin igual,

¿Quién nos relatará la historia?

¿Quién nos dará nombre, fecha y lugar?

No te vayas aún, todavía hay tanto por hablar,

Cuando te vayas nos quedará un vacío,

Que solo a tu retorno se volverá a llenar.

                                                             

VISION AND INTEGRITY ARE POLITICS MAIN INGREDIENTS… OR ARE THEY?

By Silvia Uribe

Maybe I should start with a full disclosure. I am an independent thinking Democrat, which, to me, only means that I don’t follow, or agree, on everything with the Democratic Party. By default, this also means that I have the ability to see, and agree on certain points coming from the opposite side. What? I know, I know. This not only raises a few brows here and there. It also puts me in the “endangered species” category of the, so called, political pragmatics. Precisely because I am an independent thinker, I would like for everyone to be one. However, this seems a lost battle these days when we, as a country, are so polarized, so intolerant of others’ opinions, and so close minded, with the cliche attitude of “it is my way, or the highway.”

The result of that extreme polarization? Donald Trump and his boisterous campaign. In my humble opinion, he is also the result of the lack of imagination and vision on the Republican Party side (sorry Republican friends). If we look back on how things developed, we can vividly remember that the Republican Party never liked Trump as a candidate; they thought he was a “joke”, at the very least. Joke or not, however, Republicans were afraid of him and his threats of creating a third party “if not treated well.” They thought that if he did, it would weaken their party, so, they let him be. By lacking action, they also allowed him prey on people’s primary instincts: fear, anxiety, anger, desire for power, hatred. He used then and now, the "psychology of the masses", as they call it. By the time Republicans were willing to do something about it, it was too late. They most likely will have an unscrupulous presidential candidate, who in his own words, is “greedy for power” and doesn’t care that his inflammatory words can cause riots, or even the possibility of people physically and verbally attacking members of “undesirable” groups, i.e. women, Latinos, Muslims, and counting.

The only good thing that I see about Donald Trump is that, now, many Republicans and most Democrats despise him, and are able to see him for what he is: a fraud and a danger to this country. Hey, we have not agreed on anything else for years now!

The reason that I write this column at this point, is because it is sickening to me to think that the Republican Party could give its endorsement to this “trumper” (urban dictionary: A brash, pretentious, narcissistic man who makes outrageous, controversial statements and engages in attention-seeking behavior for money or fame.) who's willing to trump up ( Dictionary.com: to devise deceitfully or dishonestly. Fabricate.) everything and everyone. His opponents, and other party members, from Chris Christie,  Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, and Carly Fiorina to the Bush family and even Paul Ryan have declared their distaste for Mr. Trump, but some of them have, and others might gather around him, and give him  their endorsement after having a few meetings with him at the White House next Wednesday. Seriously?

Do Republican Party members really think that they can trust this guy? He is going to say anything in order to get his hunger for power satisfied. These are a few examples to prove it:

-         -  Trump  has criticized candidates who raise money for their presidential campaigns – He is, as we speak,  getting ready to raise serious money and has a Super PAC already in formation

        

           - He has said that he doesn’t want illegal immigration (I would rather have those who work on the fields to have the opportunity to live here legally too) and wants to deport people left and right, but he yesterday said he loves Hispanics, and celebrated 5 de Mayo with a “huge” American style tostada bowl.

-         -  He said at a debate that he would order the military to use torture with terrorists, waterboarding or worse, and then when confronted in an interview he said “I would not ask the military to do anything illegal”

-          - He, from the get go of his campaign, has attacked  women. He now wants to gain their vote by being quasi-charming (not really), and so on.

Paul Ryan said that he is not ready yet to support him, unless he thinks that Trump will run a campaign of which Republicans could be proud. Is this a possibility in Ryan’s mind at this point? Is he, and others, ready to go ahead and endorse him just to have a vocally (not politically) strong contestant against Hillary Clinton? I believe it is morally wrong that they are willing to put our country at stake that way.

Sad. Very sad.

THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

Advice on how to plan a successful wedding in two months.

Without a doubt, when our daughters are ready to start their life as Mrs. “Je ne se pa quoi”, we, as their parents, know that the time for change has arrived, and that a somewhat stressful time is just ahead. A lot is expected from us. From the emotional to the financial, the commitment is huge, and at times, more than we can handle. An additional stressor is, of course, dealing with the nerves of the bride, the groom, and of everyone around them.

 Some parents see this time as a time to make decisions: the ceremony, the venue, the guests, the food, the dress and the accessories, just to name a few.   Other parents want to be hands off, they’re the “just tell me where to show up” type of people. They simply don’t want to be involved.
In my case, supporting my daughter was paramount. I wanted to be as involved as she wanted me to be; no more and no less. She, and my now son-in-law -, were the ones calling the shots.

We only had two months to plan the wedding due to a job offer they got in a far away and unexplored land (by us) called San Jose, CA, so things were a bit hectic. I’m happy to report that the bride-to-be and I, remained busy, and at the same time, emotionally stable (for the most part.) In full disclosure, I have to confess, that I had a few recommendations for her as we started the wedding planning journey. I knew myself, and I knew her well. I knew what we needed to do in order to maintain our sanity (as much as possible in such circumstance) so we could be able to function well and be efficient.

Here is what I suggested:

DO NOT LET DRAMA DRIVE THE PLANNING - In order to pull this off,  they needed not to be capricious about stuff. She and I have planned many events in the past; from community events to fundraisers and family dinners, we’ve done it all. If we treated this as “another” event, I knew that things would gel just fine with minimal hiccups. To accomplish this, and due to the emotion involved, she would have to be as flexible as possible, to open her ears, and listen to suggestions first, then evaluate them, and then, make a decision.

CHERISH YOUR FUTURE MEMORIES - When she asked me to go with her to buy her wedding dress, I was elated. I also mentioned that bringing other people along was unnecessary. Despite what the show “Say Yes to the Dress” wants to drill in our brains about an “entourage”, having so many opinions can be detrimental, and slow down the process, plus it would have driven me crazy! Call me romantic, but to me, this should be a very intimate daughter-mother time, as opposed to a stage for personalities to compete.

BE PRACTICAL - I suggested to choose the color and the length for the bridesmaids’ dresses, but let them choose the model they preferred.  Due to time constraints, and very different body types, it would have been difficult to choose only one style. This part always has the potential of becoming a real nightmare!

CHOOSE A CLASSICAL LOOK - Wedding portraits will be seen for generations to come. Modern looks won’t look as modern ten - or more - years later (just look at some of your friends’ old pictures!) I suggested a classical bride look as opposed to an “avant-garde” one; you know, hair in a bun, conventional jewelry and a professionally done, discrete make up.

FOOD – Since this is one of the focal points of a wedding, think about everyone. It should be well presented, tasty, and easy to eat and digest (so guests are not at risk of staining themselves, or be uncomfortable.)

I didn’t mention here the ceremony, the venue, or the music – the other focal points of a wedding – because the happy couple had made up their minds and I had nothing to do with that whatsoever. Their taste was impeccable!

You may be wondering if all my suggestions were put into practice. Of course, the answer is no, and it was ok with me. After all, this was their wedding, not mine.

I gave my daughter one last piece of advice. The same one that someone gave me when I got married some 33 years ago:

“In every wedding, there’s always something that won’t happen as planned. Don’t worry. You will end up laughing about it, and telling the story to your grandchildren.”

(I know all too well about things that don't happen as pIanned during a wedding,  but that story will be for another day.)

RECENT REALIZATIONS

EMPTY NEST OR WELCOME LIBERTY!

By Silvia Uribe

Yep. I'm the very proud mother of 2 young, smart, educated, independent women. I'm in my 50's, and I have devoted 30 years of my life to giving these human beings my very best with all my love, effort, time, advice, and most importantly, with my example. During these years, I watched them like a hawk, hovering over them, but not only to protect them – although no one would have been allowed to hurt them on my watch – it was more for guidance. It was very important for me to teach them about life, and about the art of making intelligent decisions; a handy skill that they would use all their life.

True, 30 years is a long time, but for responsible parents, as you know, time means absolutely nothing. They are up early, go to work, come back to cook and clean, and at night, if need be, they are ready to take care of an ill child. Do parents complain about this? All the time! However, if someone would offer to take care of our little one while he/she is boiling in fever, so we could have a good night sleep, most of us would have not taken the offer. Why? Because parenthood is an arbitrary and self-imposed control of our hearts, minds and bodies. However, for it is self-imposed, we simply assume it.

That’s exactly how I experienced it. My family and I went from one day to the next, with lots of love, laughter, enjoyment of life, and collectively, we took all the lessons that life gave us, and we moved right through them, until just a few months ago.

Last November, my oldest got married, and moved to a different city. Her wedding was perfect! The guests were the most loving guests. The bride and the groom couldn't be happier, and both families were walking on clouds. Everything was so perfect, that it was a rather surreal experience. When I finally touched ground again, in December, our youngest daughter made the decision of living independently, and moved out. She had contemplated the idea for a few months, and she did it.

After cleaning what was left behind, I found myself looking at the empty rooms like I have never seen them. They seemed bigger, lighter, inviting. But their rooms were not the only think that changed. All of a sudden, almost magically, my husband and I had more time to spend with each other. Go figure! Good thing we kept our love intact after all these years, right?

People ask about our empty nest. They wonder if I am doing ok with our new state of life. They say things like “Take it easy” and  “You’ll get used to it” – Hell yeah!

I’m finding out that as much as I enjoyed raising my daughters, I am enjoying the fact that I am back in possession of my freedom, my time, my house.  So, if you are anywhere near, or already at this stage that I’m in, here are five tips that may help you go with the flow faster. I'm sure you'll think of more:

1    1) Start thinking about what YOU like!  Find an interest – or two – for yourself. Whether work related, or volunteering, or doing something artistic.

2    2) Make whatever you like for dinner, or don’t. Cooking is a free ride for you now. Make it when you want, IF you want.

3    3)  Move furniture around the house, or change some pieces if you can. You are in/at a different space in your life. Make your living space reflect it.

4    4) Treat your children as the adults they are. You are now an advisor.  The fact that they don’t “need” you as they did before means that you did a good job raising them.

5    5) Redirect your energy. Time spent with our kids will always be time well spent. But, as their priorities have changed, your priority now should be yourself and your spouse or partner, if you have one.

So, it may be an empty nest now, but being able to savor our liberty again, is not only a welcomed surprise, but also a satisfying way to live life after fifty.

Silvia Uribe

Silvia Uribe was born and raised in Mexico City, where she studied philosophy and Spanish literature, got married, and formed a family. Some 15 years ago, Silvia and her family arrived in Santa Barbara, moving a few years later to Goleta. Silvia is the founder and owner of Transil-Pro, a translation/interpreting company also located in Goleta. Through her business, Silvia has collaborated with nonprofit organizations, county and city governments, and corporations alike. She is a big supporter of volunteer work, which she does for two organizations every year. Silvia is also a freelance writer for both English and Spanish language publications. Whenever asked, she emphatically says, "I love everything I do, but writing is my passion."