RECENT REALIZATIONS

EMPTY NEST OR WELCOME LIBERTY!

By Silvia Uribe

Yep. I'm the very proud mother of 2 young, smart, educated, independent women. I'm in my 50's, and I have devoted 30 years of my life to giving these human beings my very best with all my love, effort, time, advice, and most importantly, with my example. During these years, I watched them like a hawk, hovering over them, but not only to protect them – although no one would have been allowed to hurt them on my watch – it was more for guidance. It was very important for me to teach them about life, and about the art of making intelligent decisions; a handy skill that they would use all their life.

True, 30 years is a long time, but for responsible parents, as you know, time means absolutely nothing. They are up early, go to work, come back to cook and clean, and at night, if need be, they are ready to take care of an ill child. Do parents complain about this? All the time! However, if someone would offer to take care of our little one while he/she is boiling in fever, so we could have a good night sleep, most of us would have not taken the offer. Why? Because parenthood is an arbitrary and self-imposed control of our hearts, minds and bodies. However, for it is self-imposed, we simply assume it.

That’s exactly how I experienced it. My family and I went from one day to the next, with lots of love, laughter, enjoyment of life, and collectively, we took all the lessons that life gave us, and we moved right through them, until just a few months ago.

Last November, my oldest got married, and moved to a different city. Her wedding was perfect! The guests were the most loving guests. The bride and the groom couldn't be happier, and both families were walking on clouds. Everything was so perfect, that it was a rather surreal experience. When I finally touched ground again, in December, our youngest daughter made the decision of living independently, and moved out. She had contemplated the idea for a few months, and she did it.

After cleaning what was left behind, I found myself looking at the empty rooms like I have never seen them. They seemed bigger, lighter, inviting. But their rooms were not the only think that changed. All of a sudden, almost magically, my husband and I had more time to spend with each other. Go figure! Good thing we kept our love intact after all these years, right?

People ask about our empty nest. They wonder if I am doing ok with our new state of life. They say things like “Take it easy” and  “You’ll get used to it” – Hell yeah!

I’m finding out that as much as I enjoyed raising my daughters, I am enjoying the fact that I am back in possession of my freedom, my time, my house.  So, if you are anywhere near, or already at this stage that I’m in, here are five tips that may help you go with the flow faster. I'm sure you'll think of more:

1    1) Start thinking about what YOU like!  Find an interest – or two – for yourself. Whether work related, or volunteering, or doing something artistic.

2    2) Make whatever you like for dinner, or don’t. Cooking is a free ride for you now. Make it when you want, IF you want.

3    3)  Move furniture around the house, or change some pieces if you can. You are in/at a different space in your life. Make your living space reflect it.

4    4) Treat your children as the adults they are. You are now an advisor.  The fact that they don’t “need” you as they did before means that you did a good job raising them.

5    5) Redirect your energy. Time spent with our kids will always be time well spent. But, as their priorities have changed, your priority now should be yourself and your spouse or partner, if you have one.

So, it may be an empty nest now, but being able to savor our liberty again, is not only a welcomed surprise, but also a satisfying way to live life after fifty.

WHEN LIFE IS NOT IN PERFECT BALANCE...

FOLLOW THESE 5 STEPS

By Silvia Uribe  

 

Life, in its simplest way, tends to work quite well. We wake up every morning, and start our daily routine: maybe some exercise, a shower, breakfast, and off we go, with our “magic touch” to put things around us in motion. Our family –whoever is encompassed in it –each one of them do their thing too. Our work, is no different. We know – hopefully – what we’re doing, what needs to be done, and even we know what cannot be done at a particular time, and we plan for the right time to do it.

We do this – within reasonable parameters - every single day of our lives. We count on perfectly balanced bodily functions, a perfectly balanced family routine, perfectly balanced work activities, and in general, we count on a perfectly balanced life. Until one day, in which it becomes very clear that, what we have been taking for granted, is in fact a delicate, constant balance act of us walking on a very thin thread of good luck, at a great height, with no protective net beneath us.

What are we to do if anyone in our family gets suddenly sick, and the perfect balance in his/her body doesn’t exist anymore? What if that person needs to stay in the hospital, and you have to be at his/her bedside? What would happen then to your routine, your family, your work, and your life? What if, because of this situation, you cannot plan how your next week, or even your next day will look like? In one word, what if the balance you’re so used to, crumbles beneath your feet, and you realize you are on a free fall, or at least you think you are? This very scary experience recently happened to me.

From it, I’ve learned a few things that are worth sharing:

1. We cannot predict the future – when things get out of balance, the next hour becomes a huge question mark. No matter how much we try, we cannot know what’s to come. Stop trying to predict. It is not for us to control what happens next. 

2. Stop resisting – the more we resist, the more we suffer and make others suffer. When things are not in balance the whole situation becomes foreign to us. We cannot understand it, and we don’t have the power to change it. Acceptance then, is our best bet. Accept the situation as it is, and let it go through as it will. What’s going to happen is going to happen, no matter how much we fight it. 

3. Take one day at a time – Maximize the enjoyment of each good day – not anticipating what will happen tomorrow – and deal with the not so good days as best as you can. 

4. Know that you are not alone – Trust in a higher power. Whether you call it God, Jehovah, Allah, Brahman, or Nature. You can be sure that he or she is watching over you. 

5. Reach out to your family and friends – Many of us have the false believe that we must be super-heroes, and quietly deal on our own with anything that comes our way. Well, we are not so. Ask for help to those who love you. If nothing else, tell them the situation, and ask them to call you, and cheer you up. Or, to lend you a helping hand if they can. Or, simply, to tell you that they love you, which may be just what you need to hear. Or to pray for you – sending you good vibes – since these are never excessive. Or, to distract you with their conversation – a couple of laughs never hurt anyone. 

Particularly when things are “out of whack” around us, we tend to be nervous, frazzled, and lost in our own imbalance. That’s when it is important to put the right ingredients in place, much like in a fast cooking recipe, to calm our souls and restore our inner peace, if nothing else, until the circumstances around us – whatever they may be – come to a perfect balance once again… and, they will.