WE ARE A COMMUNITY

And we can come together to serve a greater purpose

By Silvia Uribe

 

This is a tale of a beautiful young woman and her family, her church family, and a caring community, and how they (we) all came together in a time of crisis.

During her birthday party, in December 2014, 17 year old Grace Fisher suddenly began to feel alarming sensations in her body. Her hands were numb and her neck sore. She insisted they call 911, and she was rushed to the hospital.  After getting to the hospital, she gradually lost all mobility. Grace had to be intubated, unable even to breathe on her own.  This came as a shockwave that hit those who know her, including her friends, and her schoolmates and teachers at Santa BArbara High School.

Due to an unknown reason Grace contracted acute flaccid myelitis, a polio-like, paralyzing syndrome that has impacted 107 children in 34 states between August of 2014 and January of this year; Grace is only the 101st child patient to be diagnosed in our country.

Although Grace had medical insurance coverage, after a month in the hospital, the medical out of pocket expenses for her family were exponentially mounting. The idea of a fundraising event was brought up. This idea resonated with the Missions Committee at the First United Methodist Church, which already had a fundraiser planned with Via Maestra Providing the food. When they learned about Grace's family situation, it was decided to make Gracie the beneficiary, instead. From that, an outpouring of love, compassion, and positive energy emanated. 

The Moiso family, members of the church, and owners of the well-known restaurant Via Maestra 42, prepared and donated food for all those who would be willing to pay $25 for a meal. Many church members, rapidly RSVP'd and signed up to help with setting up, waiting tables, dish washing, and with clean up.  Other people advertised the event via Facebook, by email, and in any other possible way. It was widely announced that 100% of the proceeds would go directly to the family. The media, KEYT3 and Santa Barbara NewsPress played a crucial role informing the greater Santa BArbara area, in a compassionate and socially responsible way.

The rest is history.

Over five hundred people, from all walks of life in our community, gathered to achieve one single purpose: To support one child and her family during this crisis.  It was refreshing to see strangers interacting with each other, greeting each other, like old friends would do, except this was probably the first time they had ever met! My self-imposed duty that day, was to clean up tables, and although my intention was not to eves drop, I couldn’t help but listening to some of the conversations. One woman said “there is something for all of us to learn out of what has happened to Grace, and it is that we are still a community and we can come together to serve one greater purpose, no matter where we come from, what we do, or who we are. We sometimes forget about that”  Totally agreed!

The results? More than $34,000 were raised, at the event, and more donations are still coming in.

You can still make a donation:

Gracie Fisher Fund
308 Paseo Del Descanso
Santa Barbara, CA 93105

Grace was air transported last Wednesday, and she is now at the Craig Rehab Hospital just outside of Denver, Colorado. For updates on Gracie’s progress, see web site:   http://www.posthope.org/gracefisher  

If you are interested in sending Grace and her family a note of hope you can do it at:

Hospital Address: Craig Hospital
c/o Grace Fisher
3425 South Clarkson St.

                                Englewood, CO 80113 

A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

HOW TO SURVIVE THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY?

As my husband and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary, people asked me to write about how to achieve a successful marriage, so I’ll share a few of my thoughts on the subject.

Getting married is such a big commitment - we have all at least heard, if not experienced, this fact of life. Frequently, however, we see that the supposed commitment is broken with such ease that just the opposite becomes clear - people are, in fact, not committed. From the get-go it was just an empty promise. Particularly for those who, before they get married, are thinking, "if it doesn't work, I'll divorce him/her."

I’m not advocating here in favor of allowing someone to disrespect our spiritual, physical, or emotional boundaries, as would happen in an abusive relationship. Abuse should not be tolerated. What I’m talking about is the kind of commitment that gives us the internal strength that allows us to fight to unknown limits in order to save a good relationship with a person who’s worth the effort.

To break it down, let’s say that the good times are those whimsical periods in which everything goes well; when both parties are very agreeable and there is almost no noticeable difficulty. This period usually happens in the beginning, and during many different periods along the life of the marriage.   After a few weeks, even a few months, when we discover the differences we have with our partner, the bad becomes obvious. Even though we try to be tolerant, it is not always possible. The friction – from differences in education and customs and from those shenanigans that we do every day – becomes insufferable. The arguments ensue, the passive-aggressive behaviors take center stage, and we start double-guessing our decision to tie our life to such an undesirable person, who quite frankly doesn't listen, doesn't understand, is selfish, and is not willing to change.   Since using logic doesn't seem to work, and yelling worsens things, we keep those feelings silent. We avoid making waves until the day comes when we cannot stand it any more and hell breaks loose. Then we start considering the possibility of divorce. Yes, most successful marriages have gone through these periods, also.

In my view, it is at these very moments when the difference can be seen between a successful marriage and one that ends in divorce. Marriage is a contract, after all. Those couples who stop in their tracks during the difficult times and go back to analyzing why they signed this "contract" in the first place, have a better chance of achieving  their common goal.  As in business, when we sign the contract we shouldn't expect that it'll be an effortless endeavor, or that we won't find pebbles, stones, rocks, or even boulders in the way. We sign knowing that we will overcome almost anything in order to realize the desired outcome.

But wait, we have not yet gotten to the ugly part of marriage, which I consider those periods in which huge, life-altering events come our way, out of the blue in most instances. Those moments in which it seems like not only the marriage, but also the whole world is coming to an end (most couples go through at least one of these periods, if not a few). It is then that a couple needs full commitment, the decision to succeed, and reassurance that they can hold onto each other until the storm passes.

You may have noticed that I used the word successful, and not “long-lasting” marriage, as these two things are not necessarily the same. A successful marriage is one that both parties value and enjoy throughout the years. A long-lasting marriage may persist even if one or both people are miserable but for one reason or another – family pressure, custom, or finances – it doesn't get dissolved.   Long-lasting, successful marriages aren't always easy and breezy, but they are not impossible either, as long as we choose the right person – not necessarily the cutest, funniest, or richest, but the one who’s going to have the same level of love, respect, and commitment to work on the relationship as we do.

Then, our marriage will be strong enough to survive the good, the bad, and the ugly, hand-in-hand with the one we love.