My thoughts on Ukraine.

By Silvia Uribe

A country is being reduced to rubbles in front of our eyes. The killing of thousands of people, the fear of children, not knowing why things are exploding around them, if they’re going to be safe, or wondering when they will see their father, their brother, their grandpa again. Women trying to save a new generation by fleeing to another country, to another life that they have no idea how will develop. It is like running towards a black hole. A force is taking them to where, as far as they can see now, awaits them with uncertainty, fear, responsibilities. They will have to face that future by themselves, most likely, with no other support except their two arms to work, and the hope that, life will be good again…for their children.

We, the international community are watching in disbelief, with horror, gasping at the images that leave us with a sense of impotence. What could we do? The U.S.A is giving Ukraine, as a country, humanitarian help already. Perhaps we are donating our hard-earned dollars to an organization or giving other in-kind donations. We are putting sanctions on a country ruled by a crazy, self-centered bas***d, whose mission is to conquer at any cost. But…is this enough? No. Obviously, it is not enough.

On the other hand, the international community keeps buying Russia’s fuel, and who knows in how many other ways we are helping this mad man to kill innocent people. At least the U.S. and Great Britain today declared that they gave the order to stop doing it, but what about the rest of the countries? We are so concerned about the “possible consequences” that those actions can cause our countries. Ukraine’s President, we heard him, is asking for the Allies to help him by protecting their sky, but we are afraid that this will make Putin madder and would try to invade other countries or start a nuclear war. Ukraine is asking for help with troops and weapons on the ground to reinforce what they’ve been doing so valiantly, and the international community keeps showing fear.

Can all countries be strategic about this? The only strategy, from my point of view, is to stop Russia now…today, it is to attack his troops while they are focused on attacking Ukraine. I have no military background, but if 90 percent of Russia’s troops are inside Ukraine, wouldn’t it be logical to get them there now? Or while they are in Ukraine, could we and our Allies nullify their nuclear plants bombard the Kremlin? We have Generals that are great strategic people. Let’s use their skills, please! It seems to me that we are very effectively playing cat and mouse, us being the mouse. Only one man is having the upper hand dictating to the rest of the world what he wants everyone else to do, and we are doing it in a submissive way. It is maddening.

I understand that no one wants a nuclear conflagration in which no one will win, but c’mon! Not offering the help that is really needed is as cruel as what Russia is doing. Someone once said this. “When someone asks you for help, if you can, provide the help they are asking for, not the help that that you want to offer. “

Just sitting in front of the T.V., being horrified, but going on with our normal lives seems inconceivable to me. No, we don’t need to start or participate in another war, no we don’t want to pay higher gas prices, no, we don’t want to take any more risks… but we need to get rid of this cancer called totalitarian Putin and finally do something effective to end Ukraine’s suffering, and to protect the world from him, once and for all. Otherwise, we all will be guilty; he as the invader and us, for our inaction.

Please, call or write to your Representatives in Congress and in your State, and urge them to convince our Allies to take real action now. The kind of action that will effectively save us all.

RECENT REALIZATIONS

EMPTY NEST OR WELCOME LIBERTY!

By Silvia Uribe

Yep. I'm the very proud mother of 2 young, smart, educated, independent women. I'm in my 50's, and I have devoted 30 years of my life to giving these human beings my very best with all my love, effort, time, advice, and most importantly, with my example. During these years, I watched them like a hawk, hovering over them, but not only to protect them – although no one would have been allowed to hurt them on my watch – it was more for guidance. It was very important for me to teach them about life, and about the art of making intelligent decisions; a handy skill that they would use all their life.

True, 30 years is a long time, but for responsible parents, as you know, time means absolutely nothing. They are up early, go to work, come back to cook and clean, and at night, if need be, they are ready to take care of an ill child. Do parents complain about this? All the time! However, if someone would offer to take care of our little one while he/she is boiling in fever, so we could have a good night sleep, most of us would have not taken the offer. Why? Because parenthood is an arbitrary and self-imposed control of our hearts, minds and bodies. However, for it is self-imposed, we simply assume it.

That’s exactly how I experienced it. My family and I went from one day to the next, with lots of love, laughter, enjoyment of life, and collectively, we took all the lessons that life gave us, and we moved right through them, until just a few months ago.

Last November, my oldest got married, and moved to a different city. Her wedding was perfect! The guests were the most loving guests. The bride and the groom couldn't be happier, and both families were walking on clouds. Everything was so perfect, that it was a rather surreal experience. When I finally touched ground again, in December, our youngest daughter made the decision of living independently, and moved out. She had contemplated the idea for a few months, and she did it.

After cleaning what was left behind, I found myself looking at the empty rooms like I have never seen them. They seemed bigger, lighter, inviting. But their rooms were not the only think that changed. All of a sudden, almost magically, my husband and I had more time to spend with each other. Go figure! Good thing we kept our love intact after all these years, right?

People ask about our empty nest. They wonder if I am doing ok with our new state of life. They say things like “Take it easy” and  “You’ll get used to it” – Hell yeah!

I’m finding out that as much as I enjoyed raising my daughters, I am enjoying the fact that I am back in possession of my freedom, my time, my house.  So, if you are anywhere near, or already at this stage that I’m in, here are five tips that may help you go with the flow faster. I'm sure you'll think of more:

1    1) Start thinking about what YOU like!  Find an interest – or two – for yourself. Whether work related, or volunteering, or doing something artistic.

2    2) Make whatever you like for dinner, or don’t. Cooking is a free ride for you now. Make it when you want, IF you want.

3    3)  Move furniture around the house, or change some pieces if you can. You are in/at a different space in your life. Make your living space reflect it.

4    4) Treat your children as the adults they are. You are now an advisor.  The fact that they don’t “need” you as they did before means that you did a good job raising them.

5    5) Redirect your energy. Time spent with our kids will always be time well spent. But, as their priorities have changed, your priority now should be yourself and your spouse or partner, if you have one.

So, it may be an empty nest now, but being able to savor our liberty again, is not only a welcomed surprise, but also a satisfying way to live life after fifty.

THE POWER OF COMPASSION

  

By Silvia Uribe

We all tend to think that we are the center of the world, the most important person, and of course, we feel we are the only one who has problems, who suffers, and we find it very difficult at times to navigate through life. We stop enjoying life just because we’re focused on our problems.  

Frequently, we complain so much, that it becomes our norm: we don’t have enough money to buy enough stuff to compete enough with our friends, and even with our enemies. We complain about how we look, about our hair, about the dress size we cannot fit in, about our house, our neighbors, and about where and how they park. We also complain about our friends, and about our work; about our short eyelashes, and about not being able to buy a newer car. The list goes on.

In short, we forget to live, and we consume ourselves with negativity.

I don’t usually write about my private life, but when talking about compassion, it has to be personal to illustrate its effects and results. 

For the last 10 years, life has given me the opportunity to be close to vulnerable individuals who are, or at least feel, very lonely. With those who think that their bad luck will never cease, and they seem to be right. With those whose sadness has found a way to settle in their souls, and despair seems like the only thing alive within them. Many of them are individuals without resources to make their life better, they lack options at that point, and perhaps they never had them. Many of them did nothing to deserve what they got. One can say they’re victims of their circumstances.

To some, it sounds a bit illogical for me to say that working with and around these individuals is an opportunity.  People I know often perceive it more as a challenge, something that, due to the emotional charge involved, they would not be able to do. My close friends know that I see it as a meaningful, relevant thing to do, but most of them also think they couldn’t do it, if offered the option.  I disagree. It is, not as hard as it seems. In fact, it is not hard at all.

Compassion is the secret. Compassion gives us a chance to relate and help other human beings, and to see how relatively little effort on our part it takes to make someone’s life a lot better. This is an encouraging experience. But, as altruist and romantic as this sounds, it is not the main reason why I think being compassionate works.  The right question would be:  What’s in it for the one who is compassionate? And, the answer is: A lot.

Compassion gives us the opportunity to put things in perspective.

In my case, I realized that my life was as easy as it can get, even though I have my share of minor troubles. My family life, with all its ups and downs, is strong and stable. I have a constant income, and a place I call home. My body is not perfect, but it definitely works much better and is healthier than many of those with whom I work on a daily basis.  I have good friends, and I’m able to spare a little money to have some fun with them. When I came to the realization that compared to others’ my life was so much better, I stopped complaining. I started living a purposeful life, and up until now, I enjoy every minute of it.  I am thankful for all the good I have. The words need, and pain, and life, and justice suddenly acquired a new, and a very real meaning, and compassion was not only a word anymore. It became a way of living.

However - and this is very important - what I understand for compassion is very different from pity. I believe that compassion speaks more to the personal feelings and attitude that one has towards other people and their circumstances, and pity is more a diminishing impression of another. With compassion, we can put ourselves in the shoes of the other, and imagine how we would feel in their situation, and this is usually a humbling experience. This is what helps put things in perspective.

Practicing more compassion towards other fellow human beings has done more for me, than whatever I’ve ever been able to do for them. True, I may have assisted them, but they have changed my life for the better. By being focused on someone other than myself, unexpectedly, I became a happier, more thankful person every day of my life.

That’s the power of compassion.