My thoughts on Ukraine.

By Silvia Uribe

A country is being reduced to rubbles in front of our eyes. The killing of thousands of people, the fear of children, not knowing why things are exploding around them, if they’re going to be safe, or wondering when they will see their father, their brother, their grandpa again. Women trying to save a new generation by fleeing to another country, to another life that they have no idea how will develop. It is like running towards a black hole. A force is taking them to where, as far as they can see now, awaits them with uncertainty, fear, responsibilities. They will have to face that future by themselves, most likely, with no other support except their two arms to work, and the hope that, life will be good again…for their children.

We, the international community are watching in disbelief, with horror, gasping at the images that leave us with a sense of impotence. What could we do? The U.S.A is giving Ukraine, as a country, humanitarian help already. Perhaps we are donating our hard-earned dollars to an organization or giving other in-kind donations. We are putting sanctions on a country ruled by a crazy, self-centered bas***d, whose mission is to conquer at any cost. But…is this enough? No. Obviously, it is not enough.

On the other hand, the international community keeps buying Russia’s fuel, and who knows in how many other ways we are helping this mad man to kill innocent people. At least the U.S. and Great Britain today declared that they gave the order to stop doing it, but what about the rest of the countries? We are so concerned about the “possible consequences” that those actions can cause our countries. Ukraine’s President, we heard him, is asking for the Allies to help him by protecting their sky, but we are afraid that this will make Putin madder and would try to invade other countries or start a nuclear war. Ukraine is asking for help with troops and weapons on the ground to reinforce what they’ve been doing so valiantly, and the international community keeps showing fear.

Can all countries be strategic about this? The only strategy, from my point of view, is to stop Russia now…today, it is to attack his troops while they are focused on attacking Ukraine. I have no military background, but if 90 percent of Russia’s troops are inside Ukraine, wouldn’t it be logical to get them there now? Or while they are in Ukraine, could we and our Allies nullify their nuclear plants bombard the Kremlin? We have Generals that are great strategic people. Let’s use their skills, please! It seems to me that we are very effectively playing cat and mouse, us being the mouse. Only one man is having the upper hand dictating to the rest of the world what he wants everyone else to do, and we are doing it in a submissive way. It is maddening.

I understand that no one wants a nuclear conflagration in which no one will win, but c’mon! Not offering the help that is really needed is as cruel as what Russia is doing. Someone once said this. “When someone asks you for help, if you can, provide the help they are asking for, not the help that that you want to offer. “

Just sitting in front of the T.V., being horrified, but going on with our normal lives seems inconceivable to me. No, we don’t need to start or participate in another war, no we don’t want to pay higher gas prices, no, we don’t want to take any more risks… but we need to get rid of this cancer called totalitarian Putin and finally do something effective to end Ukraine’s suffering, and to protect the world from him, once and for all. Otherwise, we all will be guilty; he as the invader and us, for our inaction.

Please, call or write to your Representatives in Congress and in your State, and urge them to convince our Allies to take real action now. The kind of action that will effectively save us all.

 

 

SO, WHAT NOW?

By Silvia Uribe

I must confess that I feel kind of lost, kind of empty, kind of afraid and kind of mad. Driving home earlier, and on the wake of the insurrection of January 6^th, which has taken days to sink-in. Having not been in this space before, I needed to understand it.

I feel lost because although all the writing was on the wall, I never expected to see what I saw that day. Not in the U.S. Not living in Santa Barbara, our share of paradise. I felt the same feeling I felt on 9/11 watching the violent images at the Capitol: incredulity, and yet, it was all real. I felt, like many others did, that this country was far from becoming one of those countries in which a nut-head gets to power and never wants to leave it, placing his country and its people in the verge or extreme hunger, and constant social unrest. Well, there you have it. We have our own version of it right here; a “leader” who only takes care of himself and those around him, IF they do as he says, whether legal, good, decent, or not. This is our reality now, unfortunately.  Was he a good “leader”? Some might say yes, “he did good for the economy.” But is that all that we must judge a president by? Is the economy the only standard? Up for debate.

Emptiness: Yes, because the question is, what now? Do we have any options other than accepting the fact that our country, as we know it, does not exist anymore? We do not have what most of us value so much: peace. I have lived enough years to foresee what is there and what is not, and to maybe make a prediction or two. This is not the country that I always admired and loved. A beast, with a familiar name, was unleashed: Hate. When this happens, we must always watch over our shoulders. We would never know whether it may charge us, bite us, or try to kill us. When we hate and distrust each other, as human beings, what do we have? How can we work together? How can we go back to what we thought we knew about each other? I do not have answers, and sadly, I do not feel much hope.  

Fear: Of course, if there is no trust among us; if our views are so different, what can we expect? Peace means nothing to those who believe they can take a country with violence, based on nothing but on the lies they were told, which perfectly plays with their leaders’ insatiable hunger for power. If you try to tell them otherwise, with reason and evidence, they will still disregard you. My father used to say, “People will believe what they want to believe.” Americans are well-intended people, with values, and integrity. We are also prudent and quiet, for the most part. We do not like to create controversy, and much less verbal confrontation, so most of us keep our values and opinions quiet, and let the noisy ones raise their voices without challenging them. That is a problem.

I am a Latina, and although I might look as white as the next person, and I have enjoyed the same kind of privilege, many in my family have not, and I fear the racist and discriminatory environment in which my children and grandchildren will be living in the future. I am not a person who brings up discrimination frequently in conversations.  However, the hate that Trump unleashed toward blacks, Latinos, Jews, and women, has no limits, as we all realize now. Hate is, precisely, the fuel that ignites this violence. It is the undercurrent. The noisy, violent individuals come from all walks of life, but their common thread is discrimination, and the preservation of their privilege. They do not believe in Democracy, they like leeches, just benefit from it. They want to keep in check those who they perceive as a threat. It is a very scary notion for some to accept, but if we observe the images of the mob at the Capitol, we will see the Confederate flags, and the discriminatory messages written on their clothes. Is there any doubt?

This re-ignited hate, obviously, started with the election of Obama. Many felt that their country was overtaken and wanted revenge. The election of Trump was their retribution. With him as president, and his servants in Congress, those who felt threatened and disfranchised before, felt that they belonged, and felt safe to express their hate.

So yes, this new reality makes me mad. For me, my family, our community, and for our Country. This is not what most Americans want or look for. This social unrest is imposed upon us, and unfortunately, we will have to deal with it. We might see more acts of violence in the future perpetrated by radicals. These radicals may expand their reach, and recruit, and radicalize more people: maybe some of those we think we know and trust. Trump’s legacy, as I see it, is the beginning of a slow dismantling of our society, if we allow it.

So, this is a call to action for those of us with real American democratic values: speak up and push back on every discriminatory comment, joke, and aggression, against you or those around you, no matter how big or small it may seem. Let the radicals know that they have a steep hill in front of them, and that getting to the top will not be as easy as they’d like it to be.

The Fears of an Optimist

 

There are only a couple of weeks from now to election day. WHAT? have you noticed that we have been in election mode for a good 2 years? I am exhausted! A couple of days ago I heard, really heard for the first time. that this is going to end in 2 weeks. I have tuned all things political out that much. I was surprised that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, to tell you the truth. 

By now, I can’t stand to watch the news, or to hear Trump's lies, and some of the repetitive comebacks from Democrats. I'm tired of the Republican party having no backbone. no decency, no values. I'm talking about the Republican party as a whole. There are some exceptional Republicans, some of which I'm proud to call friends, who see the present reality of their party with pain and with shame. I'm tired of the pundits, and of people who keep repeating what they are fed by Trump and his entourage. People can support whoever they want, but then the question is, can they not analyze and observe for themselves, instead of just repeat what Trump says in his rallies?

Covid made things worse. Not just because all the people who have died, but also because it has killed me and many others with boredom, inactivity or lack of social diversion. We had to sit in front of a screen and become victims of all that they wanted us to hear, throughout the best part of 2020. I just want this to end. But, being an optimist, I want this to end like in a storybook. ...And they live happily ever after. However, I well know that this is not going to be possible. I hope for the best but fear the worse.

I fear that if Trump wins, things are going to get really bad, really quickly. He will be more embolden than ever, and since there's no one branch of government that would call him on his BS, he will really become something no one wants to see. I also fear that if he losses, those who support him, and who believe everything he says, will be brain-washed to do who knows what, in their own detriment, and everyone else's.

I wonder how the US is going to look like after this election. In the past, I never had those fears, and I never, ever, wondered about what would happen to us, the citizens, those of us who do not know who's allowing all of this to happen, or maybe even promoting it. Who are those really in charge behind the scenes? Who is dictating the marching orders? And, what's the purpose? Why those in power want to desensitize us?  Where do they want to take us? Experts are talking about a huge recession coming soon. Well, we don't have to be an expert to see it coming, right?  I'm afraid of it too. How will we look as a country after such immense recession? America is not used to the notion of extreme poverty.

Just look around. Talk to people on the street. If you have not heard how much people are suffering already, try and get out of your comfort zone and talk to those who perform the service jobs around us. They are behind in their rent and a blink away from homelessness, they are indebting themselves into a dark hole, and they don't know when or if they'll be able to overcome their situation. My heart brakes every time I hear one of those stories.

I hope, that for the sake of Americans of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ages, origins, races and what not, and of those who are not Americans yet, who live here, and love our country, things won't get as bad as I fear they can become. I hope that at some point, we will again be the country that I got to love so deeply, for everything it has given me, but mainly for its people, who I know to be different enough to have their own opinions, but united enough to pull together for the cause of the strong, reliable country that we feel proud of. 

Yes, I am an incorrigible optimist. That's why I voted already. That's why I have been working to encourage people to vote. And, that's why I invite you to vote. Exert your voting power, so our country can see a less dark and a more hopeful time. This is not the time to be complacent and watch from the bleachers. It is not, either, a time to take is as a joke and write-in any name. Take it seriously! Do whatever is in your power, your country is at stake.

Please... VOTE!

A QUARANTINE PERSONAL EVALUATION…

By Silvia Uribe

I’m sorry to say this and go against the current, but I am quite content being quarantined. I’m healthy, don’t get me wrong, and I’m not dying of fear of becoming infected either, but I’d like to remain healthy. I do get around, every now and again. I like seeing what’s going on “out there.” I like talking with family and friends over the phone, on FaceTime, and seeing some of them, very few, in person. I work from home most of the time, but if I leave my fortress’ safety, to exercise or run to the store I cover my face and wear gloves, as the scientists advise. So, if I have to evaluate my social distancing is at an 85%, and I’m content with that.

I must say that the “out there” that I mentioned, seems a bit outlandish. The empty streets with mostly empty commercial spaces give an eerie feeling. However, every tone of green of the trees is greener, the sky appears brighter (either because I have less chance to look at it, or because there is less pollution, or both) and these things give me joy. The view of the ocean is completely unobstructed and the sense of calm, due to the abundance of birds singing, and the lack of car noises, is like a river of peace. 

However, there is one thing that disturbs me more and more, as the days go by. Face masks. As necessary as they are, they make me sad. Why? It is simple. I miss your face! I may or may not know you, but I miss your face. With the masks we are faceless beings, moving from place to place, with no expression; making lines at stores with no identity that we can account for. We look cold and... generic. If, on top of wearing masks, we wear shades, it is even worse. I cannot see the expressions that your eyes convey. I cannot see the human being inside you at all.

I miss seeing my fellow humans, and I’ll be fully content when, after the quarantine, I can see your face again, with the peace of mind of knowing that both of us will be ok.

Teleworking, is another thing I love. I must admit that working from home is quite different and has its challenges. But c'mon! isn't it great to not be rushed in the mornings? I have been a proponent of this for years, and for years I encountered a myriad of nay-sayers. Today, the world is finally understanding that most of the things we do in the office can be done from afar, and in much less time. I feel validated. 

And finally come the concerns that I have: Other than those who contract the virus, of course, are the small business owners. Those who have put all their money and dreams in their venture, and they might lose everything. And their workers that relied in their now nonexistent jobs; their families, that not being able to have a steady income can’t pay their rent, or buy food, or clothing… I have the tendency of getting very anxious about things like these, things that I cannot change; because they are way over my scope of influence. So, I immerse myself in whatever I can do, like cleaning my closets of unused items and donating them to those who I know need them. And, volunteering for an organization that offers financial resources to those who can’t get any financial relieve from anywhere else. This makes me feel that I’m doing something to contribute. We all can do something. If you have a sense of impotency, I invite you to help someone you know, in any way you can. We all know people in need. We know who they are. Reach out. Don’t wait until they come asking for help. Helping others is the only recipe I know to finding satisfaction, and contentment during uncertain times. 

As for the things I cannot solve, I do my best to pray that the situation won’t get as bad as I fear, and then I put my head in the ground, as a self-preservation method.

Please, stay safe.

ARE YOU A FEMINIST?

By Silvia Uribe

Recently, a friend of mine asked if I consider myself a feminist, and whether feminism spoke to me as a woman today.

Here is my response:

I am a woman, who raised women, and support women. I try not to judge other women. I try to be an ally to all women. I respect women and their right to choose the way they want to live their live. I value my freedom and all women's freedom more than anything. 

I like, love, and admire, men who do the same. Men that are free and confident, who support women, and our right to be free and confident.

I want to see more women read more, and be more prepared to be more independent. Independence goes far beyond making money. Being independent is a way of conducting one self in all circumstances, and in front of anyone. I believe that independence of our minds is the most important, so we don't let anyone dictate how we feel, or how we think, or act. We are as capable, and as strong as anyone else. There is historical proof that women have always found our own way.

I frequently remind women about the unavoidable personal responsibility that comes with freedom: Making sure that we use that freedom in a way that will elevate us, personally, and as a group, a little bit more every day.  Of course, we will make mistakes, but as soon as we realize that we've made one, we need to show our strength by correcting the path immediately.

Finally, I always warn women about something that can even be a life preserving point - It is true that we, women, can do anyting we want. No doubt about it. Any-thing! Just never lose sight of the fact that everything comes at a price. So when we set a goal for ourselves, we should honestly evaluate, in advance, if what we desire is worth the price.

Yes. I am a feminist!

THE PLEASURES OF TRAVELING

By Silvia Uribe

Traveling, no doubt, is one of the greatest pleasures for those of us who like adventure, people, new experiences, and surprises. Also, as Gustave Flaubert said "Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world." I totally agree.

The first step when traveling, is to think about where to go, and draw a mental map of what I want to see there. I like suggesting a place, and waiting for the counter-proposals that I may get from my travel partner. The decision is always based on the place that offers the most, at the best price. Then looking for comfortable accommodations, also at a fair price, may take some time, but this proves to be a good investment.

I enjoy the investigation part – an elementary step, my dear reader. What is there to discover? The great internet window reveals the answer to me in my own living room, while I sip a delicious coffee. I take mental and written notes of what will later become a reality. With each day, the excitement grows and the wait decreases. The anxiety is unavoidable, mainly, because we leave our obligations behind. We feel we are indispensable.

Finally, the day is here. Maybe we will travel a few hours or many more. If we travel by plane, we accept the idea of a stressful trip, due to the time wasted at airports, cancelled flights or marathons through those long hallways with electric bands that go so slow that using them may mean losing our connection flight. We run next to them instead.

Sooner or later we get to our destiny. Big sigh of relief.

After I get to a new place, I like to go out for a walk on the nearby streets, to know what’s around: the names of the streets, convenience and other stores, transportation, and what have you. Maybe, I want to know this to feel, from the get go, that I’m not lost, and so that things can slowly become familiar to me.

Once I get to the place I will call home for a pre-determined amount of days, I love looking out the window, and filling my eyes with whatever I can see, what’s different, what I never saw before and, maybe, to point at places that look interesting. I enjoy setting the goal to get to those places, even if I don’t know how to get there. This experience, of figuring things out is exciting to me. Maybe little children don’t feel as excited, because that’s their life. They discover new things every day. For us, adults, is not like that. We know and have experienced most things, or so we think. But, when we encounter something new, our sensation progresses from insecurity, to excitement, and once we figure it out, to satisfaction.

Taking a trip and not walking a lot, is not really traveling. During my travel adventures, I walk 6-8 hours a day. I walk, and I also take all kinds of transportation. Because of this, I have traveled by horse, mule, car, bus, motorcycle, bicycle, pedi-cab, tram, metro, train, bullet train, rickshaw, “trajinera”, “gondola” aqua-bus, “aliscafo”, jetski, boat, motor boat, ship, aircraft carrier, small planes, commercial planes, and war planes, funicular and helicopter. Never in a submarine, because I’m claustrophobic, or in a balloon because it scares me to death. My transportation dream? A flying car, like the Jetsons’, but I must wait a few years for that one.

However, what I like the most about traveling is the people I meet. I like knowing, and so I ask them, how they live, what they like, if they are satisfied with their life. I ask them who they consider important life, what they their government gives them, and what it takes from them; what they can and cannot do in terms of social freedom, and what are their ambitions. I also enjoy sharing what they want to know, of course. These interactions are usually a humbling experience, and gives the other person, and me, an intellectual intimacy and understanding that goes way beyond words.

Talking about words, languages come easily for me. But, when I do not speak the language, I truly enjoy the goodwill of people to understand what I say, and  their willingness to make themselves understood. It is like playing “charades”. We use our bodies, our minds, and we get frustrated, and then we laugh, and start all over again, until communication is achieved. Traveling without communicating with natives is not a complete experience to me; I may know the place we visit, but I don’t get to know the culture’s soul.

So, I like those traveling days with no obligations or concerns other than looking for experiences or objects that will remain in my mind and possession, and that I will be able to share with those interested. Today, one can make a book of each trip. Mine have pictures and brief comments. I like this online technology option because that way I  can capture the images and sensations of the moment without eventually forgetting about them or losing the pictures who knows where.

After each trip, my friends ask me if I would go back to the same place. My standard answer is no. It is not interesting to me to see what I have already seen, when there is so much to discover out there. The world is vast, my friend, and it always has something new and intriguing to offer.

CUANDO CALLAMOS....

Por Silvia Uribe.

Cuando callamos, nuestra mente vuela,

nuestras ideas se expanden,

nuestros ojos cuchichean

lo que la boca no osa decir;

eso que intriga, que muerde o que mata,

a veces, lo que ninguno desea oir.

Cuando callamos, el sonido puro

del pensamiento no se interrumpe.

La voz tenue del alma sigue alli

y es como si guaradáramos un tesoro

que a nadie le quisiéramos descubrir.

Los pensamientos se esfuman con tan poco

y el silencio es tan efectiva proteccion,

que si lo rompemos primero

el pensamiento vuela y se escapa 

de la mano de otro pensamiento seductor

NO TE VAYAS AUN.

Por Silvia Uribe.

(Para Adolfo)

No te vayas aún, hay tanto por hablar

Tanto que decir, tanto que preguntar,

A pesar de ser cercano, no se te conocía,

Hasta que un buen día, por fin, nos pusimos a charlar.

Te fuí descubriendo de a poco

Y  fuí apreciándote cada vez más

Ví por primera vez a esa persona

A la que es tan sencillo querer y admirar.

Te extranaremos todos; mi madre en especial,

Tus bromas, tus cuentos y tu memoria sin igual,

¿Quién nos relatará la historia?

¿Quién nos dará nombre, fecha y lugar?

No te vayas aún, todavía hay tanto por hablar,

Cuando te vayas nos quedará un vacío,

Que solo a tu retorno se volverá a llenar.

                                                             

VISION AND INTEGRITY ARE POLITICS MAIN INGREDIENTS… OR ARE THEY?

By Silvia Uribe

Maybe I should start with a full disclosure. I am an independent thinking Democrat, which, to me, only means that I don’t follow, or agree, on everything with the Democratic Party. By default, this also means that I have the ability to see, and agree on certain points coming from the opposite side. What? I know, I know. This not only raises a few brows here and there. It also puts me in the “endangered species” category of the, so called, political pragmatics. Precisely because I am an independent thinker, I would like for everyone to be one. However, this seems a lost battle these days when we, as a country, are so polarized, so intolerant of others’ opinions, and so close minded, with the cliche attitude of “it is my way, or the highway.”

The result of that extreme polarization? Donald Trump and his boisterous campaign. In my humble opinion, he is also the result of the lack of imagination and vision on the Republican Party side (sorry Republican friends). If we look back on how things developed, we can vividly remember that the Republican Party never liked Trump as a candidate; they thought he was a “joke”, at the very least. Joke or not, however, Republicans were afraid of him and his threats of creating a third party “if not treated well.” They thought that if he did, it would weaken their party, so, they let him be. By lacking action, they also allowed him prey on people’s primary instincts: fear, anxiety, anger, desire for power, hatred. He used then and now, the "psychology of the masses", as they call it. By the time Republicans were willing to do something about it, it was too late. They most likely will have an unscrupulous presidential candidate, who in his own words, is “greedy for power” and doesn’t care that his inflammatory words can cause riots, or even the possibility of people physically and verbally attacking members of “undesirable” groups, i.e. women, Latinos, Muslims, and counting.

The only good thing that I see about Donald Trump is that, now, many Republicans and most Democrats despise him, and are able to see him for what he is: a fraud and a danger to this country. Hey, we have not agreed on anything else for years now!

The reason that I write this column at this point, is because it is sickening to me to think that the Republican Party could give its endorsement to this “trumper” (urban dictionary: A brash, pretentious, narcissistic man who makes outrageous, controversial statements and engages in attention-seeking behavior for money or fame.) who's willing to trump up ( Dictionary.com: to devise deceitfully or dishonestly. Fabricate.) everything and everyone. His opponents, and other party members, from Chris Christie,  Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, and Carly Fiorina to the Bush family and even Paul Ryan have declared their distaste for Mr. Trump, but some of them have, and others might gather around him, and give him  their endorsement after having a few meetings with him at the White House next Wednesday. Seriously?

Do Republican Party members really think that they can trust this guy? He is going to say anything in order to get his hunger for power satisfied. These are a few examples to prove it:

-         -  Trump  has criticized candidates who raise money for their presidential campaigns – He is, as we speak,  getting ready to raise serious money and has a Super PAC already in formation

        

           - He has said that he doesn’t want illegal immigration (I would rather have those who work on the fields to have the opportunity to live here legally too) and wants to deport people left and right, but he yesterday said he loves Hispanics, and celebrated 5 de Mayo with a “huge” American style tostada bowl.

-         -  He said at a debate that he would order the military to use torture with terrorists, waterboarding or worse, and then when confronted in an interview he said “I would not ask the military to do anything illegal”

-          - He, from the get go of his campaign, has attacked  women. He now wants to gain their vote by being quasi-charming (not really), and so on.

Paul Ryan said that he is not ready yet to support him, unless he thinks that Trump will run a campaign of which Republicans could be proud. Is this a possibility in Ryan’s mind at this point? Is he, and others, ready to go ahead and endorse him just to have a vocally (not politically) strong contestant against Hillary Clinton? I believe it is morally wrong that they are willing to put our country at stake that way.

Sad. Very sad.

THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

Advice on how to plan a successful wedding in two months.

Without a doubt, when our daughters are ready to start their life as Mrs. “Je ne se pa quoi”, we, as their parents, know that the time for change has arrived, and that a somewhat stressful time is just ahead. A lot is expected from us. From the emotional to the financial, the commitment is huge, and at times, more than we can handle. An additional stressor is, of course, dealing with the nerves of the bride, the groom, and of everyone around them.

 Some parents see this time as a time to make decisions: the ceremony, the venue, the guests, the food, the dress and the accessories, just to name a few.   Other parents want to be hands off, they’re the “just tell me where to show up” type of people. They simply don’t want to be involved.
In my case, supporting my daughter was paramount. I wanted to be as involved as she wanted me to be; no more and no less. She, and my now son-in-law -, were the ones calling the shots.

We only had two months to plan the wedding due to a job offer they got in a far away and unexplored land (by us) called San Jose, CA, so things were a bit hectic. I’m happy to report that the bride-to-be and I, remained busy, and at the same time, emotionally stable (for the most part.) In full disclosure, I have to confess, that I had a few recommendations for her as we started the wedding planning journey. I knew myself, and I knew her well. I knew what we needed to do in order to maintain our sanity (as much as possible in such circumstance) so we could be able to function well and be efficient.

Here is what I suggested:

DO NOT LET DRAMA DRIVE THE PLANNING - In order to pull this off,  they needed not to be capricious about stuff. She and I have planned many events in the past; from community events to fundraisers and family dinners, we’ve done it all. If we treated this as “another” event, I knew that things would gel just fine with minimal hiccups. To accomplish this, and due to the emotion involved, she would have to be as flexible as possible, to open her ears, and listen to suggestions first, then evaluate them, and then, make a decision.

CHERISH YOUR FUTURE MEMORIES - When she asked me to go with her to buy her wedding dress, I was elated. I also mentioned that bringing other people along was unnecessary. Despite what the show “Say Yes to the Dress” wants to drill in our brains about an “entourage”, having so many opinions can be detrimental, and slow down the process, plus it would have driven me crazy! Call me romantic, but to me, this should be a very intimate daughter-mother time, as opposed to a stage for personalities to compete.

BE PRACTICAL - I suggested to choose the color and the length for the bridesmaids’ dresses, but let them choose the model they preferred.  Due to time constraints, and very different body types, it would have been difficult to choose only one style. This part always has the potential of becoming a real nightmare!

CHOOSE A CLASSICAL LOOK - Wedding portraits will be seen for generations to come. Modern looks won’t look as modern ten - or more - years later (just look at some of your friends’ old pictures!) I suggested a classical bride look as opposed to an “avant-garde” one; you know, hair in a bun, conventional jewelry and a professionally done, discrete make up.

FOOD – Since this is one of the focal points of a wedding, think about everyone. It should be well presented, tasty, and easy to eat and digest (so guests are not at risk of staining themselves, or be uncomfortable.)

I didn’t mention here the ceremony, the venue, or the music – the other focal points of a wedding – because the happy couple had made up their minds and I had nothing to do with that whatsoever. Their taste was impeccable!

You may be wondering if all my suggestions were put into practice. Of course, the answer is no, and it was ok with me. After all, this was their wedding, not mine.

I gave my daughter one last piece of advice. The same one that someone gave me when I got married some 33 years ago:

“In every wedding, there’s always something that won’t happen as planned. Don’t worry. You will end up laughing about it, and telling the story to your grandchildren.”

(I know all too well about things that don't happen as pIanned during a wedding,  but that story will be for another day.)

A STAND AGAINST INJUSTICE.

By Silvia Uribe

You might have heard Donald Trump’s remarks as a “presidential candidate” regarding Mexicans, but in case you didn't, he said something like: most Mexicans in the US are affiliated with drug cartels, and that most are rapists. Whether you agree or disagree with him on his hate-based ignorant assumptions, and gross generalizations about Latinos in general, and Mexicans, in particular, you have a right to your opinion. If you agree with Trump, I hope you’re not afraid of reading on. If you’re not in agreement with him, and think that he was out of line with his discriminatory comments, I also hope that when reading this letter you analyze your own actions, or lack thereof -immediately after you heard those remarks, and even to this point in time.

I was born and raised in Mexico. Yes, I am Mexican, as Mexican as they come. I’ve been living in this wonderful country for 22 years now, and I am as American as anyone else. I love this country, my country, the USA.  When I hear the kind of ignorant remarks that Trump expressed so openly, I can very easily see that, what this country was, it is no more. Historically, the US has been a country with advanced ideas and the highest ideals. Those two characteristics were the USA’s trademark. They were also the springboard that propelled our country into becoming the power that it has, so far, been. Unfortunately, things have changed. When was the vision lost?

Trump’s comments reflect not only his own biases, but those of some people for whom the only ideas and ideals are to preserve their “cast”, which they believe is entitled to judge and make decisions for everyone because they “are better” and “know better.” They are part of the 1% who has all the wealth. They want to have everyone else under their thumb, and want others to have the least educational opportunities, so they can pay them little money. This cast wants to preserve their lifestyle at the expense of others. It seems, however, that this 1% is being successful at establishing new values for our land. They don’t have advanced ideas, or high ideals. On the contrary, they want to live in a shameful past, enjoying the servitude of those of whom they see as inferior. Individuals  who think like Trump, are the ones bringing this country down by creating such a wide gap between the ‘have and the have not’s.’ Soon, if we let them continue on this path, we will all realize that there is not going back, and other countries, with a clear vision, will take the power over.

However, I’m really writing this letter to get the attention of those who believe themselves to be inclusive, and progressive; to those good, non-discriminatory people who really appreciate others, their hard work, and who believe that everyone should have the same opportunities to succeed in life.

In the aftermath of Trump’s statements, I have observed that no allies are speaking up. Where are you? When someone makes this type of comments, you just shake your head in disapproval but comply with your silence? We know that when we see an injustice and do nothing, we are part of the problem. Unfortunately, it is easier to remain in the dark, not stick our necks out, and not be criticized. I know it. I used to do this too.

I also know that being vocal regarding injustice is risky business, but at some point in our lives we have to decide between being accepted, and putting our ethical and moral values and beliefs first. Situations like these are the perfect opportunity for us to make a definite statement regarding what we want to see in our country, and what we don’t want the US to become.

During the 60’s, and more so recently, we see individuals of all skin colors protesting injustice, discrimination and violence against our black brothers and sisters. Why is this not happening when someone discriminates against Latinos? Are Latinos the new target minority? By being silent, we are condoning  the undermining of Latinos and other discriminatory behaviors  against them. (I'm happy to report that at the time of this publication, NBC and other corporations are cutting business ties with Trump due to his racist comments)

But, regardless of Trump’s statements, I believe that it is a must that we, as Americans, hold steadfast to our values and beliefs independent of what is popular. A stand against injustice should be a permanent stand. Acting on our values must include speaking up when injustice is witnessed against any person or group, on a national stage, or at a grocery shop. Speaking up against injustice can mean interjecting, or simply discussing the matter within our circle of influence to bring the issue out in the open. Talking about selfies, fashion and entertainment is fun, but we cannot expect that these conversations will make our lives and our country better. However, justice and equality will.

DISCRIMINATION

             

D reading to be positive

I n fear they live

S tanding on the fence, always 

C alling the other “weird”

R eaching out to know others? 

I mpossible! Plus, who cares? 

M uch easier to judge, only, 

I nstead of taking the time to learn 

N o! why should I accept them?  

A lways, they scream and shout   

T ime should not change us

I ‘ll be exclusive, and will still pout

O n the other hand, they don’t know that 

N o one, in fear, can truly carry out 

RECENT REALIZATIONS

EMPTY NEST OR WELCOME LIBERTY!

By Silvia Uribe

Yep. I'm the very proud mother of 2 young, smart, educated, independent women. I'm in my 50's, and I have devoted 30 years of my life to giving these human beings my very best with all my love, effort, time, advice, and most importantly, with my example. During these years, I watched them like a hawk, hovering over them, but not only to protect them – although no one would have been allowed to hurt them on my watch – it was more for guidance. It was very important for me to teach them about life, and about the art of making intelligent decisions; a handy skill that they would use all their life.

True, 30 years is a long time, but for responsible parents, as you know, time means absolutely nothing. They are up early, go to work, come back to cook and clean, and at night, if need be, they are ready to take care of an ill child. Do parents complain about this? All the time! However, if someone would offer to take care of our little one while he/she is boiling in fever, so we could have a good night sleep, most of us would have not taken the offer. Why? Because parenthood is an arbitrary and self-imposed control of our hearts, minds and bodies. However, for it is self-imposed, we simply assume it.

That’s exactly how I experienced it. My family and I went from one day to the next, with lots of love, laughter, enjoyment of life, and collectively, we took all the lessons that life gave us, and we moved right through them, until just a few months ago.

Last November, my oldest got married, and moved to a different city. Her wedding was perfect! The guests were the most loving guests. The bride and the groom couldn't be happier, and both families were walking on clouds. Everything was so perfect, that it was a rather surreal experience. When I finally touched ground again, in December, our youngest daughter made the decision of living independently, and moved out. She had contemplated the idea for a few months, and she did it.

After cleaning what was left behind, I found myself looking at the empty rooms like I have never seen them. They seemed bigger, lighter, inviting. But their rooms were not the only think that changed. All of a sudden, almost magically, my husband and I had more time to spend with each other. Go figure! Good thing we kept our love intact after all these years, right?

People ask about our empty nest. They wonder if I am doing ok with our new state of life. They say things like “Take it easy” and  “You’ll get used to it” – Hell yeah!

I’m finding out that as much as I enjoyed raising my daughters, I am enjoying the fact that I am back in possession of my freedom, my time, my house.  So, if you are anywhere near, or already at this stage that I’m in, here are five tips that may help you go with the flow faster. I'm sure you'll think of more:

1    1) Start thinking about what YOU like!  Find an interest – or two – for yourself. Whether work related, or volunteering, or doing something artistic.

2    2) Make whatever you like for dinner, or don’t. Cooking is a free ride for you now. Make it when you want, IF you want.

3    3)  Move furniture around the house, or change some pieces if you can. You are in/at a different space in your life. Make your living space reflect it.

4    4) Treat your children as the adults they are. You are now an advisor.  The fact that they don’t “need” you as they did before means that you did a good job raising them.

5    5) Redirect your energy. Time spent with our kids will always be time well spent. But, as their priorities have changed, your priority now should be yourself and your spouse or partner, if you have one.

So, it may be an empty nest now, but being able to savor our liberty again, is not only a welcomed surprise, but also a satisfying way to live life after fifty.

WE ARE A COMMUNITY

And we can come together to serve a greater purpose

By Silvia Uribe

 

This is a tale of a beautiful young woman and her family, her church family, and a caring community, and how they (we) all came together in a time of crisis.

During her birthday party, in December 2014, 17 year old Grace Fisher suddenly began to feel alarming sensations in her body. Her hands were numb and her neck sore. She insisted they call 911, and she was rushed to the hospital.  After getting to the hospital, she gradually lost all mobility. Grace had to be intubated, unable even to breathe on her own.  This came as a shockwave that hit those who know her, including her friends, and her schoolmates and teachers at Santa BArbara High School.

Due to an unknown reason Grace contracted acute flaccid myelitis, a polio-like, paralyzing syndrome that has impacted 107 children in 34 states between August of 2014 and January of this year; Grace is only the 101st child patient to be diagnosed in our country.

Although Grace had medical insurance coverage, after a month in the hospital, the medical out of pocket expenses for her family were exponentially mounting. The idea of a fundraising event was brought up. This idea resonated with the Missions Committee at the First United Methodist Church, which already had a fundraiser planned with Via Maestra Providing the food. When they learned about Grace's family situation, it was decided to make Gracie the beneficiary, instead. From that, an outpouring of love, compassion, and positive energy emanated. 

The Moiso family, members of the church, and owners of the well-known restaurant Via Maestra 42, prepared and donated food for all those who would be willing to pay $25 for a meal. Many church members, rapidly RSVP'd and signed up to help with setting up, waiting tables, dish washing, and with clean up.  Other people advertised the event via Facebook, by email, and in any other possible way. It was widely announced that 100% of the proceeds would go directly to the family. The media, KEYT3 and Santa Barbara NewsPress played a crucial role informing the greater Santa BArbara area, in a compassionate and socially responsible way.

The rest is history.

Over five hundred people, from all walks of life in our community, gathered to achieve one single purpose: To support one child and her family during this crisis.  It was refreshing to see strangers interacting with each other, greeting each other, like old friends would do, except this was probably the first time they had ever met! My self-imposed duty that day, was to clean up tables, and although my intention was not to eves drop, I couldn’t help but listening to some of the conversations. One woman said “there is something for all of us to learn out of what has happened to Grace, and it is that we are still a community and we can come together to serve one greater purpose, no matter where we come from, what we do, or who we are. We sometimes forget about that”  Totally agreed!

The results? More than $34,000 were raised, at the event, and more donations are still coming in.

You can still make a donation:

Gracie Fisher Fund
308 Paseo Del Descanso
Santa Barbara, CA 93105

Grace was air transported last Wednesday, and she is now at the Craig Rehab Hospital just outside of Denver, Colorado. For updates on Gracie’s progress, see web site:   http://www.posthope.org/gracefisher  

If you are interested in sending Grace and her family a note of hope you can do it at:

Hospital Address: Craig Hospital
c/o Grace Fisher
3425 South Clarkson St.

                                Englewood, CO 80113 

WHEN LIFE IS NOT IN PERFECT BALANCE...

FOLLOW THESE 5 STEPS

By Silvia Uribe  

 

Life, in its simplest way, tends to work quite well. We wake up every morning, and start our daily routine: maybe some exercise, a shower, breakfast, and off we go, with our “magic touch” to put things around us in motion. Our family –whoever is encompassed in it –each one of them do their thing too. Our work, is no different. We know – hopefully – what we’re doing, what needs to be done, and even we know what cannot be done at a particular time, and we plan for the right time to do it.

We do this – within reasonable parameters - every single day of our lives. We count on perfectly balanced bodily functions, a perfectly balanced family routine, perfectly balanced work activities, and in general, we count on a perfectly balanced life. Until one day, in which it becomes very clear that, what we have been taking for granted, is in fact a delicate, constant balance act of us walking on a very thin thread of good luck, at a great height, with no protective net beneath us.

What are we to do if anyone in our family gets suddenly sick, and the perfect balance in his/her body doesn’t exist anymore? What if that person needs to stay in the hospital, and you have to be at his/her bedside? What would happen then to your routine, your family, your work, and your life? What if, because of this situation, you cannot plan how your next week, or even your next day will look like? In one word, what if the balance you’re so used to, crumbles beneath your feet, and you realize you are on a free fall, or at least you think you are? This very scary experience recently happened to me.

From it, I’ve learned a few things that are worth sharing:

1. We cannot predict the future – when things get out of balance, the next hour becomes a huge question mark. No matter how much we try, we cannot know what’s to come. Stop trying to predict. It is not for us to control what happens next. 

2. Stop resisting – the more we resist, the more we suffer and make others suffer. When things are not in balance the whole situation becomes foreign to us. We cannot understand it, and we don’t have the power to change it. Acceptance then, is our best bet. Accept the situation as it is, and let it go through as it will. What’s going to happen is going to happen, no matter how much we fight it. 

3. Take one day at a time – Maximize the enjoyment of each good day – not anticipating what will happen tomorrow – and deal with the not so good days as best as you can. 

4. Know that you are not alone – Trust in a higher power. Whether you call it God, Jehovah, Allah, Brahman, or Nature. You can be sure that he or she is watching over you. 

5. Reach out to your family and friends – Many of us have the false believe that we must be super-heroes, and quietly deal on our own with anything that comes our way. Well, we are not so. Ask for help to those who love you. If nothing else, tell them the situation, and ask them to call you, and cheer you up. Or, to lend you a helping hand if they can. Or, simply, to tell you that they love you, which may be just what you need to hear. Or to pray for you – sending you good vibes – since these are never excessive. Or, to distract you with their conversation – a couple of laughs never hurt anyone. 

Particularly when things are “out of whack” around us, we tend to be nervous, frazzled, and lost in our own imbalance. That’s when it is important to put the right ingredients in place, much like in a fast cooking recipe, to calm our souls and restore our inner peace, if nothing else, until the circumstances around us – whatever they may be – come to a perfect balance once again… and, they will.

A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

HOW TO SURVIVE THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY?

As my husband and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary, people asked me to write about how to achieve a successful marriage, so I’ll share a few of my thoughts on the subject.

Getting married is such a big commitment - we have all at least heard, if not experienced, this fact of life. Frequently, however, we see that the supposed commitment is broken with such ease that just the opposite becomes clear - people are, in fact, not committed. From the get-go it was just an empty promise. Particularly for those who, before they get married, are thinking, "if it doesn't work, I'll divorce him/her."

I’m not advocating here in favor of allowing someone to disrespect our spiritual, physical, or emotional boundaries, as would happen in an abusive relationship. Abuse should not be tolerated. What I’m talking about is the kind of commitment that gives us the internal strength that allows us to fight to unknown limits in order to save a good relationship with a person who’s worth the effort.

To break it down, let’s say that the good times are those whimsical periods in which everything goes well; when both parties are very agreeable and there is almost no noticeable difficulty. This period usually happens in the beginning, and during many different periods along the life of the marriage.   After a few weeks, even a few months, when we discover the differences we have with our partner, the bad becomes obvious. Even though we try to be tolerant, it is not always possible. The friction – from differences in education and customs and from those shenanigans that we do every day – becomes insufferable. The arguments ensue, the passive-aggressive behaviors take center stage, and we start double-guessing our decision to tie our life to such an undesirable person, who quite frankly doesn't listen, doesn't understand, is selfish, and is not willing to change.   Since using logic doesn't seem to work, and yelling worsens things, we keep those feelings silent. We avoid making waves until the day comes when we cannot stand it any more and hell breaks loose. Then we start considering the possibility of divorce. Yes, most successful marriages have gone through these periods, also.

In my view, it is at these very moments when the difference can be seen between a successful marriage and one that ends in divorce. Marriage is a contract, after all. Those couples who stop in their tracks during the difficult times and go back to analyzing why they signed this "contract" in the first place, have a better chance of achieving  their common goal.  As in business, when we sign the contract we shouldn't expect that it'll be an effortless endeavor, or that we won't find pebbles, stones, rocks, or even boulders in the way. We sign knowing that we will overcome almost anything in order to realize the desired outcome.

But wait, we have not yet gotten to the ugly part of marriage, which I consider those periods in which huge, life-altering events come our way, out of the blue in most instances. Those moments in which it seems like not only the marriage, but also the whole world is coming to an end (most couples go through at least one of these periods, if not a few). It is then that a couple needs full commitment, the decision to succeed, and reassurance that they can hold onto each other until the storm passes.

You may have noticed that I used the word successful, and not “long-lasting” marriage, as these two things are not necessarily the same. A successful marriage is one that both parties value and enjoy throughout the years. A long-lasting marriage may persist even if one or both people are miserable but for one reason or another – family pressure, custom, or finances – it doesn't get dissolved.   Long-lasting, successful marriages aren't always easy and breezy, but they are not impossible either, as long as we choose the right person – not necessarily the cutest, funniest, or richest, but the one who’s going to have the same level of love, respect, and commitment to work on the relationship as we do.

Then, our marriage will be strong enough to survive the good, the bad, and the ugly, hand-in-hand with the one we love.

5 STEPS TO RECHARGE YOUR SPARK.

By Silvia Uribe

We all have a spark, the spark of life, and joy within us. Just by the simple fact of living, we own that little spark: This is the spark that brightens our eyes when we are happy, that pulls upward the corners of our lips when we see or hear something that pleases us; the tiny little spark of hope, that gets us going in difficult times, and makes us remember that tomorrow will be another day.

We all know someone who’s spark is so bright, it brightens us, and bring us back to life even when we are tired, or just simply bored.  These are the people whose energy is contagious; those who can manage to infuse us with an injection of excitement out of the blue. These are people that produce an attraction on others, and good, positive events around them. We call them lucky. Bun in reality, they are responsible for creating this cosmic synergy, with their spark; one that others don’t want to miss. 

However, when life gets tough, our little spark deems. It deems so much that it almost becomes imperceptible, even to ourselves. But, it is then, when we need our spark more than ever. So the question here is: How to re-charge our spark?

1 – Do not just complain about your problem. Take action. – Continuously thinking about a problem without making any decisions, and taking any actions is a recipe for disaster: the problem won’t get solved, and you’ll be overwhelmed. Don’t stay in the analyzing stage forever. Start making decisions, and take the appropriate actions. Now, you’re on your way to solve your problem.

2 – Do not create a snowball – If you happen to have more than one problem at the same time, try to separate them, and deal with both, but one independent from the other. Snowballs are hard to stop once they get rolling. You may have a couple of problems in your life, but your whole life is not a problem, unless you allow for this to happen.

3 – Cry if you will, but limit your suffering time – Do not allow yourself to become a victim of your circumstances. Realize that although your problem might be big, and it causes you a lot of stress, there are other aspects of your life that are actually enjoyable.

4 – Every day, do one thing that brings you peace– Whether it is exercise, meditation, prayer, therapy, or a good conversation with a friend, we need to decompress. Maybe it is a peaceful walk on the beach, or a cup of hot chocolate and a good read. Do this for only 30 minutes if your time is limited, but do something to reestablish your inner balance, and the intensity of your sparkle. 

5 –Do not allow your sparkle to be extinct – When life gets tough we feel that our sparkle is the last thing we want to think about, but we must. Without a conscious effort to find the affable side of life, we have the risk to fall into depression, and once we’ve fallen, it is quite difficult to recover.

And, remember that having a bright spark, could help you tremendously this time of the year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!