WE ARE A COMMUNITY

And we can come together to serve a greater purpose

By Silvia Uribe

 

This is a tale of a beautiful young woman and her family, her church family, and a caring community, and how they (we) all came together in a time of crisis.

During her birthday party, in December 2014, 17 year old Grace Fisher suddenly began to feel alarming sensations in her body. Her hands were numb and her neck sore. She insisted they call 911, and she was rushed to the hospital.  After getting to the hospital, she gradually lost all mobility. Grace had to be intubated, unable even to breathe on her own.  This came as a shockwave that hit those who know her, including her friends, and her schoolmates and teachers at Santa BArbara High School.

Due to an unknown reason Grace contracted acute flaccid myelitis, a polio-like, paralyzing syndrome that has impacted 107 children in 34 states between August of 2014 and January of this year; Grace is only the 101st child patient to be diagnosed in our country.

Although Grace had medical insurance coverage, after a month in the hospital, the medical out of pocket expenses for her family were exponentially mounting. The idea of a fundraising event was brought up. This idea resonated with the Missions Committee at the First United Methodist Church, which already had a fundraiser planned with Via Maestra Providing the food. When they learned about Grace's family situation, it was decided to make Gracie the beneficiary, instead. From that, an outpouring of love, compassion, and positive energy emanated. 

The Moiso family, members of the church, and owners of the well-known restaurant Via Maestra 42, prepared and donated food for all those who would be willing to pay $25 for a meal. Many church members, rapidly RSVP'd and signed up to help with setting up, waiting tables, dish washing, and with clean up.  Other people advertised the event via Facebook, by email, and in any other possible way. It was widely announced that 100% of the proceeds would go directly to the family. The media, KEYT3 and Santa Barbara NewsPress played a crucial role informing the greater Santa BArbara area, in a compassionate and socially responsible way.

The rest is history.

Over five hundred people, from all walks of life in our community, gathered to achieve one single purpose: To support one child and her family during this crisis.  It was refreshing to see strangers interacting with each other, greeting each other, like old friends would do, except this was probably the first time they had ever met! My self-imposed duty that day, was to clean up tables, and although my intention was not to eves drop, I couldn’t help but listening to some of the conversations. One woman said “there is something for all of us to learn out of what has happened to Grace, and it is that we are still a community and we can come together to serve one greater purpose, no matter where we come from, what we do, or who we are. We sometimes forget about that”  Totally agreed!

The results? More than $34,000 were raised, at the event, and more donations are still coming in.

You can still make a donation:

Gracie Fisher Fund
308 Paseo Del Descanso
Santa Barbara, CA 93105

Grace was air transported last Wednesday, and she is now at the Craig Rehab Hospital just outside of Denver, Colorado. For updates on Gracie’s progress, see web site:   http://www.posthope.org/gracefisher  

If you are interested in sending Grace and her family a note of hope you can do it at:

Hospital Address: Craig Hospital
c/o Grace Fisher
3425 South Clarkson St.

                                Englewood, CO 80113 

THE POWER OF COMPASSION

  

By Silvia Uribe

We all tend to think that we are the center of the world, the most important person, and of course, we feel we are the only one who has problems, who suffers, and we find it very difficult at times to navigate through life. We stop enjoying life just because we’re focused on our problems.  

Frequently, we complain so much, that it becomes our norm: we don’t have enough money to buy enough stuff to compete enough with our friends, and even with our enemies. We complain about how we look, about our hair, about the dress size we cannot fit in, about our house, our neighbors, and about where and how they park. We also complain about our friends, and about our work; about our short eyelashes, and about not being able to buy a newer car. The list goes on.

In short, we forget to live, and we consume ourselves with negativity.

I don’t usually write about my private life, but when talking about compassion, it has to be personal to illustrate its effects and results. 

For the last 10 years, life has given me the opportunity to be close to vulnerable individuals who are, or at least feel, very lonely. With those who think that their bad luck will never cease, and they seem to be right. With those whose sadness has found a way to settle in their souls, and despair seems like the only thing alive within them. Many of them are individuals without resources to make their life better, they lack options at that point, and perhaps they never had them. Many of them did nothing to deserve what they got. One can say they’re victims of their circumstances.

To some, it sounds a bit illogical for me to say that working with and around these individuals is an opportunity.  People I know often perceive it more as a challenge, something that, due to the emotional charge involved, they would not be able to do. My close friends know that I see it as a meaningful, relevant thing to do, but most of them also think they couldn’t do it, if offered the option.  I disagree. It is, not as hard as it seems. In fact, it is not hard at all.

Compassion is the secret. Compassion gives us a chance to relate and help other human beings, and to see how relatively little effort on our part it takes to make someone’s life a lot better. This is an encouraging experience. But, as altruist and romantic as this sounds, it is not the main reason why I think being compassionate works.  The right question would be:  What’s in it for the one who is compassionate? And, the answer is: A lot.

Compassion gives us the opportunity to put things in perspective.

In my case, I realized that my life was as easy as it can get, even though I have my share of minor troubles. My family life, with all its ups and downs, is strong and stable. I have a constant income, and a place I call home. My body is not perfect, but it definitely works much better and is healthier than many of those with whom I work on a daily basis.  I have good friends, and I’m able to spare a little money to have some fun with them. When I came to the realization that compared to others’ my life was so much better, I stopped complaining. I started living a purposeful life, and up until now, I enjoy every minute of it.  I am thankful for all the good I have. The words need, and pain, and life, and justice suddenly acquired a new, and a very real meaning, and compassion was not only a word anymore. It became a way of living.

However - and this is very important - what I understand for compassion is very different from pity. I believe that compassion speaks more to the personal feelings and attitude that one has towards other people and their circumstances, and pity is more a diminishing impression of another. With compassion, we can put ourselves in the shoes of the other, and imagine how we would feel in their situation, and this is usually a humbling experience. This is what helps put things in perspective.

Practicing more compassion towards other fellow human beings has done more for me, than whatever I’ve ever been able to do for them. True, I may have assisted them, but they have changed my life for the better. By being focused on someone other than myself, unexpectedly, I became a happier, more thankful person every day of my life.

That’s the power of compassion.

WHO'S “GOOD MARRIAGE MATERIAL?”

By Silvia Uribe.

No one argues that there’s no such thing as “what women like”, when it comes to men. Some are attracted to dark- skinned men, or rich men, or funny guys, or dreamers, or romantics. But, whatever they look like, or they do, it is difficult to find the right person. The same exact thing can be said about men. Women, and men, of all ages, have problems finding what I call good prospects. Abi, my grandma, used to define them as “good marriage material.”

We understand what she meant, but what was she really talking about? Well, a person who is “good marriage material” has the necessary traits that would make him/her a good husband or wife. This of course doesn’t assure that the person you consider good marriage material will propose to you. That, only time will tell. But, if your love interest has these characteristics it will be an indicator that you’re not wasting your time hopelessly, risking to fall in love with someone that you really don’t want in your life, for the long run. It basically gives you a safer place to start.

“Heart and brain should work together and not at an alternating rhythm” Abi used to say.

According to her, these main things are: that the person comes from a family that enjoys spending time together – meaning he/she already knows the value of a family; that the person has no vices – or the money will be devoted to pay for them. The person was brought up in a religion – so they have good moral values, and that the person is financially independent – simply to avoid undesirable “leaches.”

I can almost hear Abi’s decided tone: “you should also be able to have long conversations with that person about something other than sex, drinks, or any sort of imaginary, virtual adventures. During those conversations, find out about which accomplishments make that person most proud, about goals for the future in general (not related to you), and what is she/he is doing to accomplish those goals. These conversations will show you how determined this person is. Plus, if your communication is good, you’re ahead in the game”. Abi always said: “those who can talk and laugh together, can live together.”

And, for your own safety, of course, never forget to make sure that this person is respectful of you physically, verbally, and emotionally.

Abi’s “marriage material” characteristics are things that you cannot request, create, nor change. Either they are there or they aren’t. So, don’t fool yourself thinking that the person will change.”

A close friend of mine, Maru, didn’t count on Abi’s advice. She met a man who was handsome and funny but whose only real interest was money. He had no moral values, he played cards and bet on horse races. He was disrespectful to her, and physically aggressive. Maru now accepts that she saw these warning signs, but chose to ignore them, hoping that he would change once they tied the nut. After a few agonizing years of marriage due to his constant abuses and cheating tendencies, he left her with a bruised body, and a broken soul. On top of everything, and using his financial power, he also made good on his threat of taking her son and her daughter away from her.

Unfortunately, Maru’s story is not that uncommon.

I never heard Abi talk about intuition. But in my experience, this is crucial in love affairs. On intuition, I have one thing to say: Trust yourself. There are many times that people feel that something is not right with their significant other, and ignore it. They easily disregard the signs in their stubbornness to go on with the relationship. However, they later realize – usually the hard way – that their intuition was right.

We know that no one is perfect, and will never be. So, once you find someone who’s “good marriage material” be ready to make some concessions from your list (I assume you have one already) of additional requirements that may not be as important in the big scheme of things.

Remember, no one has the recipe for happiness, but if you start with “good marriage material” your chances increase considerably.